IT’S OK TO NOT BE READY.
I’M NOT.

Last week I was talking to a friend about all the things that I needed to get done so I could launch the new Sacred Tremor website and have a new schedule of classes and workshops revealed by December 15th. He said: You don't start something new in December. Wait til January. That's when new things start.

My mind exploded. My entire being felt relief. For 2 months I've been pushing the river-- and against the current. Years ago a friend told me: You never start a new diet on a Friday. Wait til Monday. LOL. But so true.

It's the same with my current state of being. I have been deep in my cave creating, contemplating, procrastinating, dreaming, not sleeping, getting frustrated, crying, talking to myself, tinkering with things, making art, making a mess, and, basically, letting myself become feral. I was getting pretty hard on myself about re-engaging with social media, reconnecting with friends, teaching more, marketing more, taking more classes, etc., etc..

And then the realization: I'm not ready... I'm not quite ready to re-engage. I'm not quite ready to put the new site out and all the changes that come with it yet. And then the bigger realization: it's OK not to be ready! Then I remembered May Sarton's poem, Beyond the Question, (read full poem)

"Can I weave a nest for silence,
Weave it out of listening,
Listening,
Layer upon layer?"

And so here I sit. Patiently and impatiently. Motivated and procrastinating. Waiting for the time when I am ready. I feel how close I am. I feel the next step even though I don’t know exactly where my foot is going to land.

Yesterday someone texted me, "I'm really proud of you for what you're doing." I burst into tears, and not just because of what he said, but also because I realized that I feel proud of myself, too.

For those out there needing to hear this message let me say it again: It's ok to not be ready.

For those of you who are thriving, setting goals, making art, and learning new things: Yay! Keep on doing it.